A Leading Question

There have been so many times when I really thought this day would never come.

Now that it's here I have mixed feelings about it.

I do not want to work in my degree. I did not enjoy school. 

But...

I have grown like the weeds in my garden--so much and so fast.

I gained communication skills. I became bold and determined to fight for what I wanted. I learned that sometimes my best is all I can give and God handles the rest.

One of my classes recently covered the topic of "Leadership". To introduce the concept our teacher gave us all slips of paper. We went around the room taking turns saying our names and then we all scribbled down someone who we viewed as a leader. 

We don't interact much in this class so it was hard for me to choose. I finally settled on the girl in front of me who was always cheerful, friendly, and overall a dynamic personality. 

The teacher gathered all the papers up and took them to his desk to sort. As he did so he explained that there is often a fairly even divide, but somehow, someone still is always the clear "winner". As humans, we seem to instinctively know who to trust and follow even with limited observation.

As he stacked the ballots his eyes got bigger and bigger and we began to laugh in awkward suspense. 

"In all thirty years of my teaching, this has never happened before. Class, 50 percent of you voted for the same person."

I grinned and nudged my seatmate, pointing to the girl I had picked who was bouncing in her seat.

"The interesting thing is, often this person has no idea others view them this way."

 My candidate couldn't contain herself any longer. "I think I know who it is."

"You do?" the teacher smiled.

"It's Arnica." she burst out.

The teacher nodded. "It's Arnica."

My jaw dropped and I turned flaming red as the class broke into applause. 

I rarely speak in class and grades are private so the thought that I would get elected seemed bazaar. 

As I drove home I decided this was also a terrifying revelation. I am viewed as a leader by my classmates. People who are older, have been at college longer, have worked more and better jobs. They look to me as someone to follow. Am I worthy of that? Can I honestly say, "This is my path. Follow in my footsteps and you will do well." 

So much of my life I live on a whim. Sure I have plans and goals but I am not actually as intentional as others seem to think. It's only by God's grace I have done as well as I have. And though I do need to learn to relax and not be so controlling, I also need to consider how my actions affect others. 

As graduation rapidly approaches and I face some big life decisions, I ponder the thought, are the choices I am making, something I would encourage for others?