Arnica Anonymous

(I finally gave my Adventure Buddy a link to this blog. It’s such a separated part of my life I honestly didn’t think of it before. I felt very nervous knowing he could access it. But in just the first night he read half of it. And he says I should keep writing. Lucky you! 😉 ) I’ve been struggling lately with complete disinterest in anything spiritual. Or perhaps, not struggling since I haven’t really tried to improve my situation. More like apathy. When I told my AB this he asked “Why?” Truthfully, I don’t know. I could blame it on others. My church, my coworkers, quarantine. But I really don’t think I have a good excuse. I’ve just become lazy. Recently my Facebook feed has seemed to be full of divorcing couples. I hate this. How can someone the Bible says you become one with suddenly become something you want out of your life? It doesn’t make sense. Or it shouldn’t. These situations always make me wonder, what went wrong? Who messed up, and how? I know everyone make...

In every storm, fly high. So...I just kinda walked away from this blog didn't I? It's my place to vent, express the feelings that overwhelm me, and sometimes frighten others. Which makes it a sad, dark place. I don't always like to be reminded of that part of me. But, I also don't really want Arnica Anonymous to be that way. Oddly, when I chose the name and color scheme I did it because yellow is a happy color. This blog was intended to be an honest record of struggles, healing, and my ever upward journey towards Christ and true joy. But I think it's safe to acknowledge I've had an unusually rough time since about fall of 2018 and it's been more of a wild rollercoaster than a constant climb higher. I am trying to change that. I can't change my circumstances. I still have a difficult relationship balance with my parents and SO. I still struggle, perhaps more and more lately, with my Grandma's increasing slide into dementia. Those ...