Saturday, July 7, 2018

Fireworks, Directing a Band, and Gomer

I really love fireworks, even if the dust/fog they create makes me cough.

The anticipation as a yellow comet squeals into the air, then it hangs for a tiny moment, silent and still before blossoming with a loud boom into an explosion outward of one color, often followed by a downward shower of another. Once the streaks of light have dissipated, the sky is left with charcoal scars and I find my mouth hanging slightly open in awe.  And I have the joy of knowing I will see it all over again just as amazing only a little different when the next firework is set off.

Over and over again.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

Sunday, July 1, 2018

Why I Want to Get Married (and that's a good thing)

Some of you who have been around for a while may have read my post last year on why I didn't want to get married. You may have also read some of the raw things I said after someone was interested in marrying me and things didn't work out. (You can read the first post here. And the sequel here.)

I admit, I am a confusing person with conflicting opinions so please bear with me as I try to explain how and why my has heart changed in twelve months.

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

To Move or Not To Move

A random house I fell in love with on a vacation years ago.

It hadn't occurred to me just what a drag the decision to move or not was making on me until my co-workers at the crisis pregnancy center commented on it. They had no idea I was considering anything but several of them kindly suggested that I seemed down.

Monday, June 18, 2018

Loving Others with Their Love Language

Most of you are probably familiar with the 5 Love Languages, yes?

Though I prefer general personality tests I enjoy analyzing friends and family from every angle and recently have been considering the angle of showing and receiving love.

In my experience the vast majority of people have Quality Time as one of their top two love languages. I on the other hand, favor Gifts and Words of Affirmation. In fact, Quality Time is close to the bottom of my list.

However it has come to my attention that I can shower my friends and family with all of the presents and kind words I can imagine and still not be loving as I should. Sometimes, love requires a lot more sacrifice from me because it involves doing something I don't enjoy.

Like hanging out in my sister's 90 degree trailer (she apparently doesn't believe in AC) and listening to her tell the same five stories over and over for an entire three day weekend. Or simply sitting still and talking for several hours with a friend when I would rather be up and doing something active. It might even be going running regularly with a friend--much as I hate regular exercise.

Love is not just doing what would make me feel happy, though I should pour out my love towards others in my most natural ways as well, but it is considering others and doing what makes other feel happy.

What is your love language? 
How have you learned to love others who differ from you?

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

When Life Hands You...A Panic Attack

Image result for pensive woman

I nearly had a panic attack this morning.

This has not been an easy year for me and the thing that calmed me the most is gone. My "little girl" died a few months ago. After having had her fury coat to cuddle and wagging tail to welcome me home for nine years her passing has left a big hole.

Last week my boss told me that they can not afford me right now. Since I work at a non-profit a swinging and somewhat sporadic schedule was part of what I signed on for but she was warning of potentially a month of no work. I am pretty careful about spending money and I have savings but I have not quite gotten back to the spot I was before I bought my car in January and the thought potentially four weeks with no paycheck was unnerving.

Saturday, June 2, 2018

Expanding My Content

I just wanted to drop in and quickly make an announcement:

From now on I plan on expanding the content of this blog a little. I'm thinking of adding in some life updates, book reviews, pictures, etc. Hopefully it will make the content lighter, less daunting for me to consider writing, and more interesting for you to read!

For a first step in that direction you can see that I have added a new page: So Many Books. This is a list of books I would recommend from non-fiction to biographies to secular fiction and more. If you are a fellow bibliophile be sure to check it out!

Monday, May 28, 2018

Rusted Stiff

Image result for tin man the wizard of oz

I was told the other day but a very old family friend that I was a "robot" when it came to emotions. He was not intending it as a complement but rather as an encouragement that it was healthy to have and show emotion. I was both stunned and a little hurt.

Often times I feel rusted stiff inside. I feel one way, but I know I should be feeling another way, or maybe not upset at all. So I wind up an immovable mess, unable to process any emotions correctly.

Reading the Psalms, we see the very emotional journals of David, a passionate man--after God's own heart. He never discounts his emotions, whatever they are. Nor does he tell God what to do about his emotions. Over and over we can find a surprising pattern:

A.) These are my circumstances and how I feel about them.
B.) God is awesome.
C.) Praise the Lord for being awesome and always taking care of me.

He doesn't say whether his feelings are right or wrong. He expresses them and then turns to the Lord and His goodness. David simply moves on to the more important truths of God's character and leaves his emotions  and their solutions in the Lord's hands completely.

God created us as emotional beings. He created us like Him--God is very passionate!

He is not afraid of our emotions. He can handle them.

And if I think about it, who so I feel the closest to? Not those to whom I always say "I love you", "I am happy to see you", etc. No, I am closest to those who I share the raw emotions with. The people who talk to when I am upset because I know they won't judge.

I need to stop allowing myself to feel so tied up by how I should feel that I don't give the Lord a chance to share the bond that comes from expressing to someone how I do feel. And then, because He is my heavenly Father, leaving it all in His hands.

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