Monday, January 22, 2018

A Drop by Post

This year I wanted to be more faithful with posting on Arnica Anonymous even if it mean they were just quick little drop by posts.

So...guess what this is? :)

January has been full of blessings for me.

I had been praying for some time for an other part time job and a few weeks ago one practically dropped into my lap (I now have three jobs). I also had gotten very tired of paying mileage on my borrowed car and the same day I started the new job I looked at and bought a lovely new set of wheels. God's timing was perfect and I am so blessed by this shower of his goodness.

I do often feel tired though. Today I had to call in sick which gave me some free time from all but the job I do at home on my computer. And, as you can see, I was able to find a moment to do some catching up in the Blogosphere! Sometimes being sick can actually be a nice thing. ;)

How has your 2018 been going so far? Can you believe we are already nearly a month into it?!

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Fight or Flight?

So...I am still here. And to start the New Year I would like to apologize for not reading and commenting on all of your lovely blogs more. I know I have missed some great content and I will try to do better in 2018!

To move on, what I wanted to share today came to mind as  I was creating my New Year's resolutions. I was scribbling some thoughts down on struggles that I wanted to see conquered in 2018 and it occurred to me that I was handling them the wrong way. I was trying to be the tough one. The girl holding the blazing sword and saying, "You shall not pass!".

That doesn't work though because my temptations don't come charging at me head-on with a snarl and horns.

They tip-toe up behind me on sparkling fairy feet and whisper everything I could desire sweetly in my ear.

(A quote I discovered on Pinterest but have been unable to locate the author of.)

I am unable to stand and fight them but find myself instead following them with a charmed smile on my face straight to the door of hell.

So what should  I do?

2 Timothy 2:22 says that I should flee them.

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.

Not stand my ground. Not even make an orderly retreat. But "FLEE". Get out of there! Run so far away that they can't find me to sing their delightful lies.

As this concept began to sink in I had to ponder exactly how I was to flee. In general this is not the physical running away from something. It's more subtle.

It's throwing out all of the sugar in your house (an example I use merely because most people can relate to the struggle of dieting.).

I can't think, "Well, I'll just be strong this time." because we all know, when push comes to shove I won't be. I'll cave just like I have every time before and eat that one bag of M&M's I stashed in the basement.

Humor aside it's a very serious topic dealing with my spiritual health.

Fundamentally it's not allowing myself to get in a situation of temptation but instead fleeing with wings on my feet!!

Monday, December 4, 2017

Me, Myself, and I

Looking back through my posts I am disappointed, but not especially surprised, to see how "me" focused they are. "Here is what I have done wrong." "Here is what the Lord is teaching me." etc., etc.

They are not necessarily me talking about what an awesome person I am but they are still selfish. Focused on my works and not Christ's.

I can be a perfectionist and in my spiritual life this boils down to unending efforts to be a good enough person that God won't regret saving me. Terrible theology, I know. (Update: ran across this thundering verse of love and grace immediately after writing this post-- “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins." Isaiah 43:25 -- my sins were blotted out not for my sake, but the Lord's.)

So how to end this cycle of navel gazing?

Stop talking, thinking, and focusing on myself.  I need to stop working so hard to better myself and instead, follow the Lord. Focus on Him. His amazing works. His grace. His compassion.  Not so much my lack of these qualities (though I do think there is a very important place for conviction! don't get me wrong!) as much as His possession of them. Do I spend as much time thanking Him for being perfect as I do asking to be made perfect? God is teaching me that there must be a balance. I can't fix myself by looking only at my faults. I need to stare in wonder at His perfection and let Him work on fixing me.

I feel like a hiker, so afraid of tripping that all they can do is stare at their feet. I would be much better off to lift my head, listen to my Guide, and keep my eyes focused upwards, toward the top of the mountain.

Meh...that all sounds very mushy and confusing but I hope you can understand.

"But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:13b-14

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Grace Upon Grace

So...I wasn't exactly intending to take a break from blogging. Sometimes though, life throws unexpected things (good and bad) at us and all we can do is accept them from the Lord and deal with them.

I copied the following song into the front of my current journal because I felt it perfectly fit my life right now. I often feel like I am completely ruining everything with my ignorance and stupidity. And then I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that God covers me with grace. He forgives me and will work everything out for my benefit. Yes, I am out of control of my own life. But I trust the One who is controlling it and am so thankful for the grace He offers to me.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

In Which I Fail as a Mentor

When I started volunteering at the local crisis pregnancy center in April of this year my plan was to do all their behind the scenes work. Counting money, cleaning, making copies, etc. I was good with but nothing directly involving the clients. I knew dealing with them would drive me nuts.

And then a child, pregnant with a middle aged man's baby, walked in the door and looked me in the eyes.

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Counting My Blessings (Unwillingly)

I told a friend that this had been a "bitter" year for me. You readers have gotten to see a lot of this so I won't go in to further detail.

I will explain however the kick in the pants that I got a few weeks after making this statement. You see, I just happened to run across a collection of verses on "Joy" and  it dawned on me that many of them were not suggestions. They were commands.

And I was reminded of a quote I discovered several years ago:

"Be thankful for what you have. Your life, no matter how bad you think it is, is someone else's fairy tale."  ~  Wale Ayeni (no idea who this person is but I like the quote)

I may not feel like counting my blessing but nevertheless, God has told me to do so and I believe it is because when I do, I tend to have a change of attitude.

Compared to many other peoples' my year was not that bad. After all, I started water-coloring, picked up the ukulele, got certified as a Master Gardener, began counseling at the local Crisis Pregnancy Clinic, reconnected with an old friend, and traveled to several new states. All of that and I still have a quarter of a year left for more exciting things.

When I really sit and think about it, God has abundantly blessed me with some wonderful things this 2017 and instead of spending my time complaining about the bitter parts to my friends, family, and blog readers I should devote my energy to thanking the Lord for His gifts and using them to serve others.

Friday, August 25, 2017

Totally Different

A few weeks ago I told one of my friends, "You know, I am nothing like I would have expected to be ten years ago. Or even five years ago."  After all, I grew up as a tom-boy believing all emotions were useless things that got in the way of logic and sense and that functionality always trumped beauty.

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