Find the Colors

In every storm, fly high.

So...I just kinda walked away from this blog didn't I?

It's my place to vent, express the feelings that overwhelm me, and sometimes frighten others. Which makes it a sad, dark place. I don't always like to be reminded of that part of me.

But, I also don't really want Arnica Anonymous to be that way.

Oddly, when I chose the name and color scheme I did it because yellow is a happy color. This blog was intended to be an honest record of struggles, healing, and my ever upward journey towards Christ and true joy. But I think it's safe to acknowledge I've had an unusually rough time since about fall of 2018 and it's been more of a wild rollercoaster than a constant climb higher.

I am trying to change that.

I can't change my circumstances.

I still have a difficult relationship balance with my parents and SO.

I still struggle, perhaps more and more lately, with my Grandma's increasing slide into dementia.

Those things will be HARD. I will be sad. I will be angry.

But I want to learn to channel that pain into making me softer to Christ and His plan for my life.

I do not want to keep using my circumstances as an excuse. I must make decisions for myself and follow the Lord with confidence and peace.

My newest work partner has helped me see this.

(Quick side story: When my last partner had to be taken off the bookmobile I prayed for a godly Christian woman. I was feeling rather lonely and dry in a library full of liberals. When my new partner walked in and I recognized her as a friend's mother and a solid believer we were both overjoyed. She has been an AMAZING blessing!)

Carol is one of the most positive, joyful, and hardworking people I know. Due to COVID-19 things have looked drastically different at work and tempers have climbed higher every day. Carol never complains. She always has a bright smile, a cheerful word, and two hands ready to help. Because of this, literally everyone there has fallen in love with her. She is a shining example of Christ.

One thing she has told me from her lifetime of work experience is that complaining gets you nowhere. All it does is make you look bad and others feel uncomfortable. If you want something, ask for it. If something needs to be done differently, politely present your opinion. Don't whine. Don't sit at your desk and pout, and DO NOT talk bad about others.

People actually call me Ms. Smiley a lot. But I can be pulled down by a negative environment or the desire to fit it. I can harumph along with the best of them when the mood hits.

That is not who I want to be.

Tomorrow--I will be conscious of the words that come from my mouth. Are they encouraging? Do they show love?

This week--I will show peace, joy, and two hands willing to lift stress from a coworker.

This year--I will find the colors God is using to paint my story and find joy in them.

This life--I will become a better example of Christ and His love.

***Backstory on the last two pictures--I made them for the "art gallery" at one of the Bookmobile's nursing homes.