Rambles on Why I Don't Want to Get Married (and that's a bad thing)
Dear Blog Readers,
I have a confession to make: I have this disease called "I am single and don't want to get married." (Don't worry, it's not contagious)
And yes, I know we all have those friends who claim they are happy and content single but the day a guy finally asks them out they confess they've been dying to get married for years.
I'm not that person.
I could have been married twice already had I wanted to be. I could still get married at this moment if I chose to return one gentleman's interest.
Now obviously I was being facetious when I called my mindset a disease but I don't feel that it is right to consider it a strength either.
You see, my lack of desire for marriage comes mostly from fear and doubt not trust in the Lord.
Much of my negative view on this subject has come from observing my parents for 20 odd years. They do not have an idyllic marriage. In fact, they have only stayed together 40 years because of hard work and their common love for the Lord. Despite the fact that they have raised four children who love Jesus and touched many others for Christ I am not convinced this is because they are "better together" but rather because God's grace is sufficient.
Even skimming a few blogs by solid, honest, married men or women who may have a more satisfying marriage than my parents I see post after post about working through issues in their marriage. As someone whose greatest goal in life is to avoid conflict this not inspiring.
I have yet to see a post about the benefits of marriage (except from newlyweds who everyone knows are not thinking clearly). It is just assumed that everyone already understands what these would be and dreams of having them.
I don't.
I can only see a husband as someone who will bring more restrictions in my life and distract me from my relationship with the Lord which already needs mountains of work.
While it is good to be aware of the less magical sides of marriage I do believe my attitude is wrong. If I don't desire to get married that is fine in and of itself but if I don't want to get married (I am speaking generally here and not of a specific suitor) because I don't believe God would work it out for my benefit, I have a problem.
It's the same problem I always find at the root of my fears -- a lack of trust in God.
I don't have much of a conclusion for this post because my thoughts and opinions are still being formed on the subject. I suppose my best summary at this point in time is to focus on God and trust Him with every aspect of my life instead of worrying about it myself.
So what are your thoughts on this subject? Do you want to get married? Why or why not?
Sincerely,
Arnica Montana
This was so interesting!!!
ReplyDeletePaul in the Bible had a bit of a fear of getting married, too, I think. He said it is better to stay unmarried, unless you burn with passion, in which case, you should get married. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%207
I think Paul had something not everyone has. He had the gift of singleness. That's the frame of mind he was coming from when he wrote those words! God created marriage and told couples in teh Bible to be fruitful and to multiply. God brings people together.
But it's true that some people are called to singleness. Paul was. And it could be that you are.
I personally want to get married. I've had a couple of people interested in me and turned them down only because I knew they weren't 'right'. But I can't wait for someone I'm better suited to to come along!! :)
If I were you, I would pray hard about this whole idea of singleness. Ask God whether you are called to be single and if so that the would put a contentedness regarding marriage and singleness in your heart! Fear is never a good thing to hang on to. Give that fear to the Lord and tell God you are happy whatever his will is.
Marriage is a wonderful thing. My parents have been married for 21 years now and they claim it's amazing... of course it's hard sometimes! but no good thing is ever easy. And you know what they say - no pain, no gain. The benefits clearly outweigh the disadvantages, don't they, because people keep getting married!
Sorry for my long comment! I guess I just wanna encourage you to take it to the Lord and tell him you are happy with His will... even if you aren't, and ask him to change your heart. <3
Blessings you on my sweet sister in the Lord
My post was originally twice this long (I decided to save most of it for a future post) and I talked quite a bit about 1 Corinthians 7 so it makes me smile that you brought it up.
DeleteI suspect I will get married some day but right now I am very happy as I am and a guy would have to work very hard to convince me otherwise. :)
Perhaps I should clarify too that I am in no way against marriage. I was just sharing my thoughts/views on the subject of me personally getting married and saying that I believed part of the reasons I do not desire it are wrong because they demonstrated a lack of trust in the Lord. Not that marriage is wrong OR that it is a bad thing in general to not desire it. Does that make sense? Seeing the comments people have left me I wasn't sure I had made myself clear.
Thank you for your long comment Bonnie! No one should ever apologize for leaving them--they are always the best!
Blessings to you too!
I personally want to get married, have kids, raise a family, the typical stuff. But my pastor does say that some people are just not meant to get married. He calls it the "Gift of Singleness". So maybe that's where you are, or you could just not want to submit to a man, and according to the Bible that is a sin.
ReplyDeleteBut honestly, you should totally focus more on your relationship with God than a guy. The right guy will help you focus on the Lord, not distract you or hinder you.
DeleteI disagree with you a little bit on your last sentence Gray. 1 Corinthians 7:32&34 says, "But I want you to be free from concern...but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided."
DeleteEven Paul recognized this. Every married person I know, no matter how wonderful of a relationship with Christ and their spouse they have, also says this is true. But marriage also provides opportunities for growth and outreach in ways single people don't have the chance to experience which is what you were saying and I can see that too.
I do have the "gift of singleness"---for this time. The Lord is in control of whether I do or not for my life time. :)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Gray!
I don't feel in the position to give advice or anything, but...God. It's all about Him. More of Him, less of me. His plan is far greater and wiser than anything I could ever comprehend. Commit your fears into his hands, and you'll find he works wonders with them. The sort of wonders you'd never have expected.
ReplyDeleteBasically yeah...um...yep. It's all about God, and he's in control.
That was pretty much my conclusion too! Seems like life is a never ending circle with Christ at the center. No matter what question I start out with the answer I find always seems to be Jesus!
DeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts. Always appreciated Jane!