My discovery was this: I now weigh what I did when I was thirteen, not completely filled out, and an inch or two shorter.
I may have had baby chub during my past years but I was still always considered slim. Now in my twenties my BMI has dropped to 18.5 which is considered underweight. I have spells of dizziness and difficulty finding clothes that don't slide off my shoulder or slip down my waist.
Getting this thin was not a goal. In fact I know full well I have genetics which allow me to eat whatever I want, when I want and I take advantage of this fact. It's just that I find myself not wanting food.
I'm a self-conscious eater. It comes from having braces and the embarrassing fact that food always got stuck in them. I also have some mild social anxiety issues. If I am not at home, eating with my family, then I am uncomfortable around a dinner table and eat just enough to get the process over with. To add to these I do not eat when I am stressed. I may feel hungry but just looking at food turns my stomach and in my mouth it tastes like metal.
|Day Three--Part One|
You might say I have been under a lot of stress this month. I have been working a part time job with long hours (working election polls), preparing for an orchestra concert I am in, taking a class two days a week that lasts nine hours each day, volunteering at the crisis pregnancy center, planning a trip with my sister, and to add a cherry on top...
At the beginning of April a friend of my brother's, whom I had briefly met once, contacted my father and asked to get to know our family-- me in particular. I gave my consent but made sure he was aware of the fact that I was not looking to get married.
My emotions are all over the place. I am doing my best to get eight hours of sleep but some nights I lay there on my back with my mind flying one hundred different directions. And three square meals a day? Ha! That never happens.
|Day Three--Part Two|
To top it off my two best friends are stressed themselves trying to finish up this college year and too busy to lend me an ear for very long.
And yet, despite what the scales are saying, God has been so good. My relationship with Him has not been this steady and disciplined for several years. I get up every morning early and read my Bible, because otherwise I won't have a chance to get it done. All through the day, as a new worry arises, I take it straight to Him because there is no one else. At night, I tumble into bed and talk to Him about my day and my fears for the rest of the month.
I pray that He will help me to be a witness for Him at all my different activities. I ask that He will give me the ability to put others at ease despite my own awkwardness. I beg for wisdom in all the big and little decisions I have to make.
And God answers.
When I am stressed my creativity explodes. God has blessed me with this trait because working on a project allows me to focus on something unrelated to my stress and relax for a time. I can also listen to music while doing something and that helps relax me as well. This is my third time to try watercolor painting and despite my poor supplies I have been enjoying it. I haven't quite finished this picture yet. There will be some more black/grey shadowy people under the umbrellas when I am done.