Totally Different
A few weeks ago I told one of my friends, "You know, I am nothing like I would have expected to be ten years ago. Or even five years ago." After all, I grew up as a tom-boy believing all emotions were useless things that got in the way of logic and sense and that functionality always trumped beauty.
Now that I am in my twenties I look back at that hard version of myself and cringe. I was annoying, I was brash, I was immature.
The funny part is that sometimes I suspect I still am. And I wonder frequently if I will ever be able to look back five years and be pleased with the person I was.
But you know what? I think that is okay.
It's okay to be unimpressed with the old me and it's okay to now be entirely different from how I had imagined. After all, if I was just the same as I was five or ten years ago it would mean that I had not grown and matured in the Lord.
Proverbs 19:21 says,
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
I may think I know where I am going with my life but God is the only one who really does and man am I relieved that He's got it all under control!
This year especially has been one of surprises for me and though we're only eight months into it I have already done at least five life-changing things that would never have crossed my mind on January 1st. But I'm glad these things have come about and I am excited to see where the Lord leads me in the next five years of my life!
What has the Lord been teaching you recently? Has he been shaping your life in any un-expected ways? I'd love to hear about it!
Great post, and so true! We really do change and grow a lot in who we are.
ReplyDeleteSometimes more than we realize! :)
DeleteWow this was a really good reminder. And...I have to say that I've never really seen it like that before? I've looked back and thought that I used to be quite different than I am now. And I honestly struggled with whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. I remember a period of time where I was distinctly struggling with 'which Jane am I really' sort of questions. (Not that I told anyone at the time.) And it's not like I'm over that, like I'll /ever/ be fully over that. It's just a matter of remembering that God is changing and growing and molding and every day, little by little, he's making me more like Jesus.
ReplyDeleteAnyways. I think I just...rambled? Splurged? *shrugs* Very good post, thank you. :D
Ramblings are a good thing Jane! :D It's a blessing to now you enjoyed it.
DeleteI used to pray that God would make me one way or the other but now I have decided that He knows best and I'll just ask Him to make me more like Jesus--as you said. (Not that I think there is anything wrong with asking for specifics though!)
This is so relatable to me. I would have never thought that I went through what I did a year ago. I never thought depression would overwhelm me and that I'd want to die. I never thought I'd hear from God like I have.
ReplyDeleteFebruary 14 of this year definitely was very unexpected to me. Very. If you'd like to hear about it, I'd love to tell you. But, I'm going to warn you, it might be very long...not that most of my comments aren't long enough. lol
Thank you for this post, and God Bless! <3
I am a counselor at a Crisis Pregnancy Center--long stories are my life! ;) If you want to type it out I'd love to read it!
DeleteI'm so sorry it took so long! *nervous laughter* I just hadn't gotten around to finishing it before, but here it is:
DeleteSo, it was Valentines Day of this year. I'd been depressed and just so confused. I was struggling with the thought of Jesus loving me. His word said that he did, but I was scared. Whenever people would say that Jesus is preparing a place for his children, I always counted myself out. I was in the mindset that Jesus couldn't forgive me and I was condemned to hell. I was so confused on why he was talking to others but not me. Then, February 14 came along. The family took turns picking christian songs. When it came to be my turn, I picked For The Lamb by Elevation. I heard it one year at camp and liked it. So, I don't know what happened during the song. Everything happened at once. I heard a voice. It seemed almost audible, but not exactly as clear as my voice as I talk to others. I wrote down what I heard when I heard it. I just kept writing and writing until I didn't hear anything else. It was Jesus. He told me everything. His love for me, his forgiveness, what he did for me. I could never deny how real he was. After that, I spent time with God every day and wrote down what he was telling me. I have a whole spiral notebook full and more of what he's told me. Even at like 2 in the morning he'll talk to me. It's amazing.
I have a hope that I didn’t seem to have before. That day changed my life in so many ways. I can't push what I believe on others, but Jesus is real. If he wasn't, I wouldn't be here now.
— *nods* So, that's my story. ;)
Thanks for sharing! It's good to hear how God showed His love for you!
Delete