Sometimes I just can't seem to get ahead in life...

Sometimes I just can't seem to get ahead in life. But then I wonder, is this the way it is for everyone? Maybe I am just a drama queen. Perhaps I make things seem like a bigger deal than they really are? Is God trying to teach me to trust Him more and I am just throwing up my hands and calling it too much?

Last week I had yet another guy approach me professing feelings and hoping to consider the possibility of a relationship. 

I was entirely blindsided by this development.


Mostly because he was ten years older than me and, last I knew, had a powerful (and entirely unreciprocated) crush on my big sister (who is also ten years my senior).

I knew my answer immediately and offered to give it the day he contacted me but he asked for me to hear him out first and I politely agreed. Our talk has ruined our friendship. Not because we were angry at each other but because a whole new element was added to our relationship. And, frankly, it ruined a few other friendships because I am now suspicious and paranoid around all guys.

My Grandmother is moving from six hours away to come live with my parents and I.Yes, I think this is the correct decision. No, I do not think it will be easy. She cannot be left alone and my already busy servant-mother is going to run herself ragged bending over backward to serve her every whim. My father, on the opposite side, does not know how to flex even an inch. Bringing Grandma down here was actually his idea, and he will help, but as I have mentioned before, he and Mom to not make a good team. So being a buffer, and picking up the loose ends left by each of them falls to me. We're still a month away from her move-in date (a week before finals-of course!) and already the tension has started.

All this makes me want to go far away from here.

A stressful consideration in and of itself.

Also, not very helpful when the more hands to take care of Grandma the better.

My natural inclination is to pull away into my own little self-absorbed world of tension  and pain. Stuff it all deep inside and let the darkness overwhelm me until I am aware of nothing else. I have been there before and I swore to myself that I would do whatever it took to not go back.

I remember reading a story once about a woman who had something heartbreaking happen in her life. A moment later, she chased down another woman to ask her how her ailing mother was and how she could be a help. This is very inspiring to me. I never want to become so locked inside myself that I am unaware of the pain others are going through. It may not be true for everyone but I know from experience that the best way to pull myself out of the pit is by pushing someone else out in front of me.