Arnica Anonymous

Since starting my job I have struggled against my biggest fear--being so tired with life that my brain stops working on a creative level and merely goes into autopilot. I have always worried I would join the rest of the adult world in their grey plodding through the years. Well, truth be told, I have done exactly that.

Let's just agree that I won't apologize for not posting regularly and you won't be offended by my lack of interaction on all your lovely blogs. Deal?? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I had the chance to attend a conference with my sister's church several weeks ago. During one session the teacher connected two Bible verses in a way that I had never before considered. Ephesians 3:17 says -- "That Christ may make His home in your hearts through faith." When we move into a new house what do we do to make it "our home"? We take out old furniture and put in new. We tear down walls. We strip out old cabinets. Basically, we make the place look entirely different and we make it fit us. Can you imagine how awkward it would be to try and do that with the previous owners still there? They would be offended and fight every change we made. When we ask Christ to make His home in our hearts we cannot retain ownership. There are no roped off areas marked "No...

This year I wanted to be more faithful with posting on Arnica Anonymous even if it mean they were just quick little drop by posts. So...guess what this is? :) January has been full of blessings for me. I had been praying for some time for an other part time job and a few weeks ago one practically dropped into my lap (I now have three jobs). I also had gotten very tired of paying mileage on my borrowed car and the same day I started the new job I looked at and bought a lovely new set of wheels. God's timing was perfect and I am so blessed by this shower of his goodness. I do often feel tired though. Today I had to call in sick which gave me some free time from all but the job I do at home on my computer. And, as you can see, I was able to find a moment to do some catching up in the Blogosphere! Sometimes being sick can actually be a nice thing. ;) How has your 2018 been going so far? Can you believe we are already nearly a month into it?!

So...I am still here. And to start the New Year I would like to apologize for not reading and commenting on all of your lovely blogs more. I know I have missed some great content and I will try to do better in 2018! To move on, what I wanted to share today came to mind as  I was creating my New Year's resolutions. I was scribbling some thoughts down on struggles that I wanted to see conquered in 2018 and it occurred to me that I was handling them the wrong way. I was trying to be the tough one. The girl holding the blazing sword and saying, "You shall not pass!". That doesn't work though because my temptations don't come charging at me head-on with a snarl and horns. They tip-toe up behind me on sparkling fairy feet and whisper everything I could desire sweetly in my ear. (A quote I discovered on Pinterest but have been unable to locate the author of.) I am unable to stand and fight them but find myself instead following them with a charmed smile on ...

Looking back through my posts I am disappointed, but not especially surprised, to see how "me" focused they are. "Here is what I have done wrong." "Here is what the Lord is teaching me. " etc., etc. They are not necessarily me talking about what an awesome person I am but they are still selfish. Focused on my works and not Christ's. I can be a perfectionist and in my spiritual life this boils down to unending efforts to be a good enough person that God won't regret saving me. Terrible theology, I know. (Update: ran across this thundering verse of love and grace immediately after writing this post-- “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins." Isaiah 43:25 -- my sins were blotted out not for my sake, but the Lord's.) So how to end this cycle of navel gazing? Stop talking, thinking, and focusing on myself.  I need to stop working so hard to better myself and instead, fol...

So...I wasn't exactly intending to take a break from blogging. Sometimes though, life throws unexpected things (good and bad) at us and all we can do is accept them from the Lord and deal with them. I copied the following song into the front of my current journal because I felt it perfectly fit my life right now. I often feel like I am completely ruining everything with my ignorance and stupidity. And then I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that God covers me with grace. He forgives me and will work everything out for my benefit. Yes, I am out of control of my own life. But I trust the One who is controlling it and am so thankful for the grace He offers to me.

When I started volunteering at the local crisis pregnancy center in April of this year my plan was to do all their behind the scenes work. Counting money, cleaning, making copies, etc. I was good with but nothing directly involving the clients. I knew dealing with them would drive me nuts. And then a child, pregnant with a middle aged man's baby, walked in the door and looked me in the eyes.